Sunday, January 20, 2019
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You must not Marry someone Else

Although right time is not synonymous to perfect time, it has undoubtedly been proven that perfect things come at the right time. This truth has been echoed through all ages in history of mankind, and can hardly be overwritten.

Even in the Good Book- the most widely read and perhaps the oldest to be written- the sage King Solomon articulates, correctly, that there’s time for everything: time for birth, time for planting and time for harvesting, and even time for marriage.

With the wisdom at our disposal, the buck stops with our individual selves to seek diligently to understand and know the times. This will help us to be ready for the perfection of our dreams, the blooming if our visions and for the fruition of our labour- the realization of our dreams.

As youths, energetic and ambitious, there comes a time when the bug to find a special someone bites and cannot be ignored.

At that point, we’ll most likely channel our energies and resources in pursuant of the better half, with whom we shall spend the rest of our youthful and old age years with.

With such an enormous task ahead of us, such sacrilegious undertaking looming right before our very eyes, there’s a point in first, gathering our powers- intellectual, physical and also emotional, and preparing in the best way possible so that we do not end up missing on the times.

What this means is akin to what the athlete does: he or she takes many days preparing for a one time race. They gather energy and time to practice and take as many lessons as practically possible because there is never a chance for an excuse or time to look back when the race begins.

There is what we, as youth, ought to consider and certainly do before we set off for the bush to hunt for the better half.

With love and gratitude, given the chance to share on this platform, I’d wish to put across my two cents on what one should do before settling in marriage.

The right time to settle in marriage is perhaps, when the urge to entertain another human being in your life will incessantly knock, and the loneliness becomes personally unbearable.

As an individual, you feel the confidence to share your personal resources with someone else without feeling like it is an intrusion.  You determine that you do not want years to pass by while you’re still in the phase of youthfulness. As such, it becomes necessary to identify someone who you can always settle in marriage with.

In our modern days, the plague of instant results has struck most of us. What we want is to, for lack of a better euphemism, collect someone from the streets and take them to our parents and announce, “This is my wife.”

As much as we’d be hell bent to justify such a move, it is not traditionally, biblically or even contemporarily right. This is to say that in marriage, the end does not justify the means.

Thus, although we, youth  of our current generation, have been brought up in the torrents of loss of our African culture and the ways of our forefathers, it is pertinent to reconstruct our system and its tradition, so we do not end up  falling from the sky and to the space of nothingness.

We may feel the outright alienation from our parents, which is evidently so. However, in spite of it, the first advisable thing to do is to let our parents know about the marriage plans. It may be your parent or guardian or anyone in their position to your life.

If you cannot approach them in person, you can always find an elder or someone revered within your locality, and have them express the need to them on your behalf.

This is not mandatory, but it is worth a lifetime value.

Your parents will never miss words of wisdom, best wishes and blessings to pass to you. They’ll always guide you to the rightful way and help you envision the future you behold in a more concrete sense.

This is to say that, there are things you will never be sat down to be taught about or lectured on, until you make the first move.

You’ll need to know what to consider in looking for a prospective bride or groom, what inevitable turn of events, the human challenges to expect and how to deal with them without necessarily falling out of marriage.

It is worthy so because, surely, they have been there before, learned in their own experiences and survived the waves. They’d want you too, to make it across the waves and tides without necessarily making the mistakes that they made and would, if it were known to them, have avoided.

Besides seeking parental wisdom, there is another equally major factor that you need to consider: You’ll need to settle scores with yourself. You will need to determine your personal goals for personal development because you do not want to get lost into someone else’s passions, or worse, lack a clear future that you’d want to settle for.

What this simply means is that as a necessity, you should create self awareness on your life’s purpose, what you stand for, what you envision and are ready to live for. It is difficult to confess that you can understand someone else without understanding yourself across all the fringes.

These goals include but not limited to, first, financial goals. You should understand all avenues of your income and determine if it can sustain you and somebody else.

It is always fallacious to imagine that someone else will be ready to table their monies for cost sharing of bills. Although it is allowed to expect so, you should not over depend on that fragile and volatile thought. Things do not always turn out as expected, hence the need to work for the best and the most while you still can.

Also, understanding your financial status and real time abilities will help you avoid making such inappropriate decisions as renting a house for 30k while earning 50k. The pressure might break you while you’re still young and yet to see your children.


Academic goals. If this is your persuasion, strive while you’re still young to attain the highest level of of education that you frankly want to.

It is not easy to study while taking care of a family because the responsibilities will not give you as much space to do so, in terms of monies and time. Priorities will inevitably change once you enter into marriage, and I bet, education will hardly clinch the first place. Again, study before committing to marriage.

Spiritual goals. We live in a world with the need to find answers in the Omniscient being. We all can’t be sure what way to look. But anyway, decide if you need to be church-y or church-less before you tie the knot. This will even help in determining whether you will walk down the aisle in church or in the bar. No. I’m not kidding on this.

Also, it is cool because who wants to be pulled to a church Kesha on a Friday Night when its downtime and all you need is a glass of beer?

When you’ve understood where you fall, and where  your interests do, you can go back and propose to your special someone for marriage.

Endeavor to share clearly your interests with them, so you find out if it is their cup of coffee as well.

It is time to make or break your life.

So, if she is for you, then her interests will align. If otherwise, please, do not hesitate to wish him or her a great future.

Do not pretend that pretend that it will work if you’re already convinced that you cannot walk along together.

You should not marry because you promised your parents a wife.

You should not force marriage because your peers or best friends are getting married or the church wants you to or the  society wants to see you in marriage.

You are the one to take her to your house to live with you.

Therefore, the final decision to marry must be made by you.

And the long and the short of it, you must not marry for someone else.




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