My first love was when I was seventeen. Everything was so perfect in my life. I saw myself as a grown up woman. Sneaking from home in the middle of the night to meet my boyfriend was the happiest thing ever. Watching stars was the public confirmation of our love. It was like a fairy tale; Strong arms around me and soft hands touching my hair feeling its texture. I saw nothing wrong then.
I was in form two when I met John. Things went so fast than I had anticipated. Six months later I was expectant; a student and a mother to be at the same time. For a while I could not reason out what I would do next. My self-worth was buried under a so crushing log of silence and that isolated me from everyone I loved. I was full of anger. I felt despicable. I didn’t know how to break the news to my parents. Well, my mother could have taken the news lightly but my father was someone else
John was writing his Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education exams. Breaking the news to him would be insanely. The urge to let him know pressed me. I needed someone to help me think. I was confused and frustrated. I needed to undo the shame that I had brought to myself; only I didn’t know how. I took a piece of paper and wrote a long letter to John informing him of my predicament. I never received his response.
My stomach was bulging and it needed no telling for one to know. Word went round school that I was pregnant. Going by the dictates of the school rules and regulations, I was tested. Two days after the pregnancy test, my parents were summoned and I was expelled before them. My father disowned me. I thought the world had come to an end. Everything stopped in my world. On the fifth month of my pregnancy I had some complications and unfortunately lost it
Three years later I came back to my senses. I needed to get together with my father. I missed and wanted him back. All I wanted to do was win my father’s heart back. Contrary to what I had expected, it was easy.
It came to my realization that I had acted stupid yet everything has its own time.
The moment my father proclaimed his forgiveness upon me, my life took a different direction. A heavy load had been lifted off my chest. And John… he never got back to me. He went radio silent. At one point, I even thought of looking for John and giving him a taste of his own medicine. But then I realized there would be no good in doing it.
I have since made peace with myself and have forgiven John despite him never asking for an apology. Nobody has the right to tell another how to handle their deepest pain or their greatest error and it’s never too late to achieve your dreams.