I did suit myself. Trust me I did. I went through my attachment period and finished successfully. Am grateful to God that I did well although not my best.
I immediately left home for Christmas holidays. I was afraid, tensed and didn’t know how I’d be received. Would Mama embrace me like before ?. Would she cheer me up? Would she quarrel me? How about Daddy?. Would he stomach that? Did I have the courage to face him? I didn’t know. I postponed going home about four times till my siblings got tired. They stopped asking anymore.
I travelled home one day and arrived home shortly before darkness fell. Mummy wasn’t at home, daddy too. We had supper and Mum came quite late. They had gone for a baby shower somewhere. I purposed not to go to bed before her arrival. It was on Saturday. She came, hugged me and didn’t ask anything. Simply gave me a warm welcome. Prayed and went to sleep.
On Sunday morning I woke up quite late. They were all outside. Daddy and I hugged warmly. He didn’t give me any suspicious look. I was 16 weeks then. We prepared for church.
On our way Mummy and I talked.
“How was work?”
“Not bad. Does Daddy know?”
“What! And what did he say?”
“Was there anything to say? He just got a little shocked and relaxed.”
“Mmmh okey. And he didn’t behave like he knows anything when he greeted me today.” I relaxed. The discussion went on however. From Mr, to his response, to many things till we arrived in church. She had asked me whether my tummy isn’t visible. I was reluctant but never thought so. Am glad awkward suggestive behaviours had ceased. My face however said it. It had turned baby-like, smooth, supper brown. Oh baby hormones. I miss that face.
We were now on long holiday. I was hoping to get back here and try do some one, two, three things and at least get some cash. The conditions curtailed me from that. Christmas passed, January passed. I was called somewhere to teach. At first I agreed then I said no.
My tummy is now bulging day by day. Nothing changed between daddy and I. We related as before. He has never asked me a thing till today! My siblings didn’t seem to notice anything. They only complained that am not doing chores nor joining them to the farm. I lazied at home for a month. Then this particular morning, I sent my sister to pic something for me from my handbag. She saw a folded booklet. Pink in cover. She must have taken sometime because she delayed and I followed her. I found the booklet in her hands and I literally froze.
“What is this book for?”
“What do you think it is for?”
“Kwani wewe ni mgonjwa?”- are you ill?
“In a way.” I responded and snatched the book from her.
“Mercy uko na ball”? – Are you pregnant?
“Ikiwa imetoka wapi?”- Where from? I was becoming overly defensive and I was failing. She sat on a stool and I sat on the bed.
“I know that book. Wanawake wajawazito huenda nayo hosi!”
“Yes. Am pregnant. Are you satisfied?”
The silence that followed was extremely Scarry. I was being too harsh on her and she didn’t deserve it. She was only being concerned. She was so inquisitive and I told her the story. She’s an adult anyway so there was no point in hiding. No sooner had I opened the door to leave than my other sister stormed the room. I ignored her and walked out. I overheard her query, “kwani mlikuwa mnafanya nini?”
“Hakuna.” And she followed me out.
Mr has completely shut me off by now. Still attending my clinical visits. My belly is growing daily and am loving her every move. She’s now soma salting, laying football and doing rope jumps. These are the happiest and satisfying times.
I bumped into Mr in town this particular day when going home after my prenatal checkup. He was riding his bike and was carrying an elderly man. I stood on the road and dared him to pass me by my look. He stepped on the breaks and halted. I have to admit that what transpired was one of those encounters I find so difficult to erase from my mind.